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Surelog
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Name: Jason
Metro:
Birthday: 3/22/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: Taekwondo, Marine Corp, Ordnance, Explosives, God, Video Games, Computers, Technology, Cobra, 53's, Serving God and Country, Girls!
Expertise: Girls, .50 Cal, Taekwondo Black Belt, computers,
Occupation: Military
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Surelog
Member Since:
6/22/2004
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| I really hate the state my family is in right now. It's really frustrating, and with my new Job I need to keep my head in the game, but sometimes it's really really hard. My family is going through a horrible time. It goes back so far. Dad screwed around behind mom's back. basically cheated on her. Mom lost her mind and started drinking pretty heavily. Dad and her got back together and worked things out... sorta. Mom lost her job, or quit, I don't know which anymore. and my family filed for bankruptcy. We lost our house in Florence, while I was overseas deployed.. I could no longer go home and see my close friends there without traveling from Oldham now. Mom and Dad got a house in Oldham county, thanks to the help and my grandparents. who bought it. About 3-4 months after that, I got a Credit Card in the mail from USAA. I LOVE USAA they're great and only go through military. Anyway mom and dad asked if they could use it... mom had a new job and needed suits, dad needed a lawnmower for the new yard... everything was gonna be new. As far as I went back, mom had always been the bread winner and I was confident that this move was just like the MANY moves I did as a kid... one place to another for a better job. things would be fine. I said sure. I finished a payment on a loan and was making steady payments on my car loan. this would also help my credit.
Mom couldn't keep a job though, her drinking persisted. Dad blames everything on mom, they have a horrible marriage. Mom gained a lot of weight and when I came home on leave on day I hardly recognized her. They where making payments on my credit card but they started to slack behind. I didn't really have the money myself to make the payment but whatever, things would be ok. I got home. Mom's drinking is so bad it's just annoying. She keeps spouting off how she has a disease, she's a drinker and needs help...
Mom needs to work to keep the house, mom can't work though because of her drinknig. She spouts off about her drinking so much, I feel it's not drinking that's keeping her down, it's that she wants this negative attention or something. She has hardly brought in ANY money. and now is basicly bringing in nothing. Dad is working his ass off but it's simply not enough and now I'm left with a 6000 dollar credit card payment to try and fix. I let them screw my credit up so bad I can't get a finance for a matress. I can't sleep very well and go to work exhuasted and sore. my neck even crinks when I go to work. I really try and hide it, because people think "Oh you stay up late and play video games all night, this job is not important to you" Truth is, I come home, get my stuff ready for the next day, check and re-check to make sure, play a video game, take a shower and go to bed at about 9:30-10:00. I try my best to hide how tired I am, I don't complain about it if I can but they always see my tired, even if I'm awake and trying to act not tired. I'm often really exhausted from horrible sleeping when I go to work. I stay awake for the classes but the physical stuff is just too tough sometimes, my body just can't seem to rest.
I got a great job, but if I can't keep my head in the game I could lose it. I get in touble sometimes for the stupidest things, but I always have all this stuff on my mind, and sleep just isn't happening. I finally try and get a good matress and I'm turned down because my credit is sucked.
So finally I made the big boy desicion to let my family stop fucking my over and just pay it off myself. It is a little tough though, I help my family out on the side with money best I can, plus supply myself and helpig take care of Missy. But I got this big late fee to pay and I can't get it right now, but I really need to. Once I do, I'm gonna take over the monthly payments myself and just take it as a lesson learned to not trust my parents anymore with money. I hate saying that.
I called my grandparents, they put the money down for the house that my mom and dad are about to lose because when you go backrupt you're pretty much screwed. I asked them where the money was going from my parents. They don't know either really since they're not getting payments on the house. I told them about the credit card to get it off my chest and they talked to me about it. They blame my mom and say dad is actually making things worse by supporting her. Well what they don't really know is my dad doesn't support her at all, he just puts up with her. they're both miserable and dad cheated on her awhile back. they don't know that, I do. They thing dad is just making bad desicions, never mind the emotional side of things.
Mom starts going to church. I think it's of guilt. She wants to feel like she's doing something emotionaly right, instead of fucking everything up. I support church, but she's still drinking. It's all apart of needing more attention and love. I love her, I tell her all the time, but it just makes her cry. She cries a lot.
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Just Ranting for my own fun
//Begin Rant
So in the past years of being in the Marine Corp. I think coming off the boat from my first deployment was when I really started being more of a pessimist. People say Pessimist like it’s a bad thing. But it’s not bad, it’s realistic. All my life my mother said positive thinking is the way to go… that you’ll get more, but my mother suffered from alcoholism and from depression from my father who doesn’t give her any attention. The fact of the matter is that if you go throughout your life thinking all is jolly and great if you look into the sunny side of the matter, you’re going to grow older and have a much harder time excepting the facts of real life. Those rich enough may never really have to accept the harder facts of life. But even so, we’re all just a bunch of cockroaches in this world, leaching every resource we have and becoming less and less self reliant… so that when things like ‘Katrina’ or a massive Earth quake happens, instead of taking care of ourselves we demand that the government do it for us.
I think the even harder truths are that, God while he does exist puts the World in some fucked up situations. I suppose only humanity is to blame for the state we’ve put ourselves in. But when I’m suppose to thank God for the food he places on my plate is when I start questioning more about what’s going up there in Heaven. We’re in a hungry world. Starvation and children with so little food their stomachs swell exist. We come up with new ways to continue the battle of hunger. Praying to God isn’t going to get these kids food, humanity takes the step up to attack this hunger problem. We create food, in the masses… learn of ways to make it so we can create more food with the use of chemicals and steroids so that our growing fat nation can continue to feed itself. But these chemicals and steroids cause all kinds of problems, from cancer, to children going through puberty at a unnatural young age, to every day normal problems of heart troubles, head aches, an the list goes on. But I’m thanking God for this food that is actually killing me? I’m just so confused. Yes I rather eat chemical food, than not eat at all. I’m thankful my stomach is full, but to thank God? I figured if God is gonna supply us with the nutrients, we should at least just be given food that isn’t killing us.
Food aside, we have just the general freaky things in the world that happen, yet God allows it. Children being molested, Babies being born with half their brain on the outside of their skull, abortion, car bombings, and the fact of you and everyone will die. What is left on this planet won’t really matter. The only thing humanity has to feel for is that while we die, the world continues… but hell, even it will stop, providing we don’t stop everything first with a big bang Earth style. The fact that we exist is amazing… it’s perfect, that there must be a God because there is no way we could just randomly be as lucky as we have to turn out the way we did…yet we commit self destruction and kill each other through war.
I love life. I love waking up from a sleep and find myself still breathing. I love depression at times because it means my heart is still in working condition. No… too much depression is never good, but being depressed puts a certain aching in your heart that becomes comforting to tell your brain you still exist. Some hate it so much they cut themselves, or kill themselves. In fact the few times I’m considerably happy it feels so weird my body wants to shut down… honestly, my legs feel like Jello and my body feels like it’s weak from a lack of blood sugar. It feels great but nothing is better than coming back and realizing that while happiness is a fun ride at first, you need to keep yourself in check with reality, bad things will still happen. In fact, when I’m happy is when I’m the most quite now. It’s as though I’m trying to figure out what’s going on, and why I feel the way I do and how to fix it, to not let myself get out of control.
Never let yourself become too happy, because when reality finally sets back in you’re going to become ridiculously depressed, as oppose to just normal. I haven’t mastered my life or my emotions but I’ve figured out how to control them better than I use to. There are a lot of things that make me happy in life. Children are awesome because they have no clue what’s going on and they just want to play. That’s right up my Alley, because often that’s all I want to do too. Dogs are great… Dog backwards is God. And don’t they both suffer the same? Both Dog and God are faithful to you no matter what kind of abuse you put them, both want you to be happy, and both are great to talk to when you feel alone. And video games make me happy because they allow me to get away from this reality without using any drugs that will kill me.
//End Rant
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| I'm not as respectful as I should be towards God as I should be. I try
to think of God as the General of everything. With a general I'd be
lucky to even have the op to be in the same room as him. With God,
he's with me every day but earns a much higher respect yet I often don't show it.
A friend of mine and me went out on a dinner date with some girls a
little while back. It was more about him so I tried to focus on my
energy on showing how great a guy he is to his date and even mine.
Well, she brought up a topic to him.
she said something like "Don't you think that if you're coming to church that you should have to dress nicely?"
She struck a chord with me, and I butted in sorta rudely...
"Wait, are they lost?"
To be totally honest my friend didn't really know I was a Christian...
which is horrible I know. How could I call him a friend if I never
really witnessed to him? Well God gave me this chance, and hopefully
his date too who I hope is a Christian girl to witness to him.
I think I was wrong through... she totally ignored me, so I said it again "Well, are they lost?"
She still ignored me... I think she was just infatuated with him as she
tried to continue to converse; ignoring I ever asked a question. She continued... almost snotty like.
"Because I think that they should have to dress nice if they're coming to church."
My friend was at loss of words, not really sure what to say. he just
kinda put this open eyed look at me confused at me. perhaps he didn't
know what I meant "Are they lost?"
But her snottiness will not persist, because even if he's not a
Christian, I want to make sure that he knows Christians love him for
who he is as does God, not by how he dresses. I'm NOT going to let
this girl plant something so feeble in his head to confuse him that a
relationship with God is based on how you dress... so I fight, almost
yell at this girl, but not quite... just very sternly say...
"Listen, what Matters is people
are saved, that God continues to save people. Not what they wear. The
only thing that matters is people continue to be saved, and the way
they dress will Not make God
love them any more or less. We dress and speak respectfully to God as
Christians because we know him and respect him, the lost can not...
There for lets just worry about them getting saved, not how they
dress... Please excuse me"
On the way leaving the Table I hear he say it again "I'm just saying, if you come to a church out of respect you should be dressed nicely, even if they don't come to church it's just a respect"
I leave the table. I'm pretty fired up at the moment, I don't even
know what to say. This went from being all about my buddy and his date
to me really not liking his date very much.
My friend enters the bathroom "Hunter, I didn't know you where a Christian."
"I am, but I'm just not a very good one."
"What you said was perfect, it's all about getting people saved, I just didn't know how to say it"
So in regards to the crazy look he gave me, it was in a mix of not knowing how to answer the question nicely to his date, and that I was a Christian.
We still hung out with his date, I refused to give her any sort of emotional response towards anything and just ignored her. She's got that aspect many women have (Not all!) that she is right, and that the man might as well just accept that she's right. I refuse.
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| 0330 I wake up
0430 in the morning because I couldn't see and have laid my hand in a ant hill. they bite me and my hand swells up.
0640 the sun is finally up enough to see the target but it's still foggy
0930 I'm at the 500 yard range.
Focus on hitting the target for the second time, close to where that first spotter is
Steady breathing
Sight Alignment, Sight picture
My sights are in the black blurry spot
Breath in, breath out
squeeze the trigger slowly
Hold that target in my sights
Round fires with a loud pow
Spotter on target flies off
There is so much going through my head every time I fire. Some times I'm calm sometimes I'm not. This one particular time I was very calm, it was almost surreal. I fired the round and it went EXACTLY where the round previously before it had gone, knocking the spotter and the golf Tee holding it in place. The Tee is where the exact bullet from the previous shot was, and this particular round fought the slight breeze, the natural human adjustment, humidity, and range and knocked that Tee out... absolutely amazing. The guys pulling the pits for me relayed this to me and where just astonished that it happened. Two shots fired in the exact same spot... I can't even begin to calculate that sort of possibility.
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| So I bought the new Ninja Turtles serries. I like it, it's got it's humor and is fun... but it just doesn't beat the old school Ninja Turtles. I looked some old school episodes up and they're just as entertaining now as they where when I was in the 2nd grade. Colorful characters, an awesome ninja bad guy, great ninja moves. Even the world Trade Towers are in one episode. I think the humor was better also, because it was new and fresh... the new episodes kind use the same humor with no real twist to it. Also I don't think I heard any of the Ninja Turtle sayings in the new series either.
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